I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
