No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
