didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
