i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
