Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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