So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
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I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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