he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
