there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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