I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
