Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
