I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
