im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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