My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
