The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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