Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
