we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
