I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
