I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
