the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I understand Curling. That high.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
