your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
