i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You made out with two different species that night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
