ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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