The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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