Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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