It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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