basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
