at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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