I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
