why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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