i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
