but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
