i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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