And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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