I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
