I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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