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so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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