I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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