You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
