Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
