i can't believe i had my finger in that
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
