hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
