Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
