Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
