she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
