The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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