I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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