so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
