how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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