They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
