dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Randomize
