You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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