Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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