she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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