I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
