haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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