Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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