Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Slut skills are useful in every country.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
