no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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