I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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