We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
