Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she was so not down for the gang bang
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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