i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
