I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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