I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
