are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
