I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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