i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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