If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
