After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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