One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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