That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
