So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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