Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
