It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
