good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
