No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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