well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Even my vagina gasped.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
