I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
