We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Couch. On fire.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
