i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
