is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
